Time for some truth regarding The CEO of Earth. He actually doesn't show up all that often. Even back when Sharkey was writing Urban Vigilante, we only expected him to drop by about once a week. Twice a week was a pleasant surprise. Even more than that was nothing short of mind-blowing. Upon his arrival, every Jerk would rush to his side like disheleved, lonely third-world children running to an affluent tourist, hoping that their presence could be appreciated and utilized in The CEO's grand schemes.

Actually, we'd usually just all say, "Hey, boss" over chat. Then he'd end up listening to a deluge of absurd ideas we thought would be hilarious for his column, before someone roped him into a havoc-making scheme instead of earning XP. That probably explains why he's been here longer than most of us, yet still hasn't hit level 50.

I am an employee of The CEO of Earth.


(My offer still stands. If anyone can make a cooler-looking title image than this bland image I've thrown together, I'd be absolutely delighted.)

EPISODE 2: UNDERCOVER

Since the inception of The Circle of Jerks, when it was known as The League of Incredible Bastards, creating mischief has been somewhat of a specialty of ours. Some might call what we do pranks. Others might call it attention-whoring. A few others think it's griefing. Anything weird that happens on our account always tends to get a mixed reaction for this very reason. While some people will be laughing, there's always a few hyper-sensitive people who will assuredly be filling out petitions with our names on them.

I certainly don't think of our antics as anything less than harmless fun. While some easily irritated people in City of Heroes like to complain that we should have been banned a long time ago for "harassing" others, I like to think of our plans as little schemes the likes of which you might see on a show like Trigger Happy TV. We want to disrupt the status quo, but even more than that, we like to give people something very odd that they wouldn't normally see while playing CoH/CoV.



To pull this off successfully, we need people to actually witness our insanity, and there's really only two top-notch places in Paragon City for this. Both are places where heroes tend to start out their careers, and unsurprisingly, they also tend to congregate in these areas to socialize.

Atlas Park is the easiest place to find heroes hanging about, partially because it has a nice open place for socializing under the statue of Atlas, which new heroes constantly walk around while going to their mission contacts. Hell, it's right in the middle of Atlas Park. You'd have a hard time missing it. All this said, it's usually filled with drooling morons who would rather beg for money or brag about how awesome they are then anything of actual interest. Regardless, it's a good place to grab attention with a bizarre scene.

Gemini Park, located within Galaxy City, isn't nearly as popular, but you're much more likely to find role-players. These RP'ers are the most savory targets for our more elaborate mayhem, simply because unlike Atlas Park dwellers, they have an attention span of more than 15 seconds. This is probably because we're interrupting lengthy public discussions about their ultra-secret pasts, or whatever role-players actually talk about. While we get the most complaints from RP'ers for our antics, it's usually worth it. They should be thankful, really. We're not giving the usual worn-out tripe about how they must be overweight 30-year-olds living with their parents.

(On a side note, it is frightening to note how well fellow Jerk Male Man can role play a dumb blonde in a cybersuit. Perhaps only slightly more frightening than his ability to play a greasy, tan, and very pantless man.)



The Jerks have Paragon City's hot spots figured out, but we haven't quite figured out where the best places are to grab attention in City of Villains. The developers created an obvious potential hang-out on the starting platform of Mercy Island, but beyond level 5, most villains want to leave Mercy ASAP. The other islands tend to have more interesting sights than mountains of debris, fires, and annoying oversized snakes.

Eventually, the Jerks are going to run out of cool things to add to our supergroup bases for a while, and we'll want to create more chaos. With this in mind, I decided that I would disguise Cpt. Concussion as a bad guy, and go UNDERCOVER to find the hottest spot for villains in the Rogue Isles!



Perfect. No one will suspect I'm Cpt. Concussion.



Sure, I could use one of villains I actually play in CoV, but this seems much more satisfying. Since "NOT Cpt. Concussion" is also level 2, he'll be a good judge of what is and isn't a good place for any villain to hang out. I might even be able to try some scheming if I find villains hanging around...



The first place I've heard of villains hanging out is a rooftop located in Port Oakes. Port Oakes is pretty much the island you go to after you're sick of Mercy, and it's a bit more chaotic. I had to dodge a lot of mafia goons and Arachnos troops while walking through hostile streets to my destination: a rooftop where a "quartermaster" (guy who buys and sells enhancement items) hangs out. People like hanging around him, apparently.

It was hairy traveling to this rooftop at level 2, but after a few lucky breaks, I made it without a scratch. I enter the building, take the elevator up to the roof...



...and crap. No one's here. This seems unfortunately typical of this spot -- while visiting the quartermaster as other villains, I've only seen 2-3 other villains hanging about here at most, and that was closer to the beginning of CoV.

With this spot a bust, I muster the guts to go to the next spot: the much harder-to-reach casino in St. Martial. I've NEVER been there with any villains, since my highest villain is level 26, and St. Martial contains level 30-40 creatures. Taking a level 2 there should be suicidal.



I'm fairly surprised with how easy most of the travel is once I start, though. Since most of the transport around the Rogue Isles is done by ferry, I can swim through the enemy-free waters to get from ferry to ferry. This is almost too easy! I'll make it to that casino without a scratch! How cool is th-



Ow. A mere 200 yds from my destination, I'm one-shotted by some "Wailers" hiding in the water by the shore. It's a shame, but in this high-level region all it'd take is a light shove for me to die. Now I'm forced to choose between going to St. Martial's hospital and risk walking through hostile streets, or hoping my base's portal puts me close enough to the casino. I try my base portal...



...and talk about lucky. I teleport right to the casino. I'm actually stunned for multiple reasons here. The trip to St. Martial wasn't too bad, even for a level 2. It can take about 10-15 minutes, which is a bit longer, and the trip back to wherever will be a pain, but it seems worthwhile. Especially considering this scenery.



Talk about nice. The pyramid has a great golden glow to it, and the water and trees surrounding it are magnificent. I almost forget I'm supposed to be hunting out RP'ers, and poking fun at them. Good thing I luck out again.



I think I've found a plausible spot where role-players might gather. This will serve very useful for when our villain side gets sick of waiting for events to happen before causing havoc. I decide to try and convince the RP'ers that the best thing they could do is get all their evil friends together, have a big old group hug, and wait for something that definitely ISN'T missiles/airstrikes/nukes, but gold. Or something people who are villains like. Villains like me.



The suggestion doesn't go over well, unfortunately, and I think they may have somehow figured out who I am. What a shame. Maybe I should've worn a different helmet. I probably should have Cpt. Concussion lay low for a while, now...don't need to be picked on as "that guy who thought he could go undercover."



...and that's where my real villain comes in.

NEXT TIME: Enter The Wheelman, and the Legitimate Businessmen!

------

With this episode, you probably won't see much of Cpt. Concussion for a while now, save for the occasional few humorous screenshots. I'll focus on some of my lesser characters, and (hopefully) let everyone get a nice glance of City of Villains.

If you have any questions or suggestions on what you want to see in future episodes, feel free to contact me or comment. I'm writing this more for anyone interested in the CoH/CoV universe than myself, anyways.

-PsEG